Home on the Range Quotes (2004)


Home on the Range Quotes (2004)


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Maggie: [to Piggy] Here, have an apple, kid. Don't go near any luaus, though.


Alameda Slim: And judging from the notches on the ears, I'd say this is the last of Big Mike Donald's herd.

Willie Brother #1: Big Mike Donald had a farm?

The Willie Brothers: Ee-ai, ee-ai...

[Slim hits the Willies]

The Willie Brothers: [groaning] Ohhhh.


Buck: So long, sucker! He must be taking stupid lessons from that buffalo.

[Junior the buffalo snorts down Buck's neck]

Buck: Uh-oh.


Lucky Jack: Ha! Bovine bounty hunters! Now I've seen everything.


Maggie: [to Mrs. Calloway] We'd better get to the town quickly. The vultures are circling.

Maggie: [to vultures about Grace's singing] Hey, she's not dying!

Vulture: You sure? We could wait around!

Maggie: We'll keep you posted!

Vulture: [to other vulture] Sorry Clem. False alarm!


Mrs. Calloway: It's Buck. Maggie: Stallion of the Cim-MORON.


Grace: [singing badly off key] She'll be coming 'round the mountain she'll be coming 'round the mountain, she'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes... Maggie: She'd better hurry up around that mountain, 'cause I can't take this much longer.


Maggie: [to Buck] Well, if it isn't the Phony Express.


Wesley: I gave up clown college for this?


Grace: [on Buck] Definitely bi-polar.


Alameda Slim: Um, Gil? Am I correct in assuming that each and every time we brought a herd back to this secret lair, you've managed to sit in the exact same spot, blocking that choice piece of property from my view?

Willie Brother #1: Yeah? This is my comfy place.


Maggie: It's payback time! Cover me!

Grace: With what?


Alameda Slim: Okay, boys, let's go over this one more time. Who am I?

Willie Brother #1: Uncle Slim?

Alameda Slim: Correct! Now, I put on this hat, and then I put on these spectacles...

Willie Brother #1: Ahh! Who are you?

Willie Brother #2: What have you done with Uncle Slim?

Alameda Slim: Arrgghh! It's still me! Can't you dumb sack of hammers get it right?


Maggie: All right, what part of "cover me" didn't we understand?


Lucky Jack: Folks used to call me Lucky Jack. They came from miles around just to get a look at my lucky rabbit's foot.

[Notices his peg-leg is on fire]

Lucky Jack: Dagnabit!

[puts out fire]

Lucky Jack: Happens all the time.


Grace: What kind of sheriff's office was that?

Mrs. Calloway: Saloon girls? Gambling? How does he ever get any work done?

Maggie: If that's the sheriff's office, this town rocks!


Barry & Bob, the Longhorns: Don't worry, darlin'. I'll protect you.

Mrs. Calloway: You've got exactly 2 seconds to remove your hoof before I snap it off at the knee.

Barry & Bob, the Longhorns: Oh, sorry ma'am, I thought you were the blonde...

[Mrs. Calloway smacks him off-screen]


Maggie: Cattle drive. Told ya. You both owe me a dollar.


Maggie: Look, we don't eat meat. It's kind a professional courtesy.


Buck: You think you got the drop on me? Well, think again!


Alameda Slim: It ain't over 'til the fat man sings!


Grace: [to a bull] Let me guess, you're a Taurus?


Mrs. Calloway: Step lightly, girls! The male of the species can be extremely hostile.


Alameda Slim: Call me crazy, but I think these cows got it in for me!


Maggie: Hey, thanks, everybody! It's great to be here in Patch o' Heaven! Now don't everybody speak at one time!

[silence]

Maggie: What is this, the frozen food section?


Maggie: I got it! Why don't we go nab that Alameda Slim and use the reward money to save the farm?

Mrs. Calloway: Oh, that is a sensible idea.

Maggie: I knew you'd love it!

Mrs. Calloway: Don't they have sarcasm where you come from?


Maggie: Yeah, they're real, quit staring!


Rico: Lord of mercy. Is this the end of Rico?


Buck: Hey! Jump back, kiss myself!


Maggie: Last one to the barn sleeps standing up!


Grace: Now, let's not play the shame and blame game. This is an organic problem, and there's a holistic solution. Jeb: You don't get this whole farm concept, do you, sister?


Piggy: Gee, you're the biggest cow I've ever saw!

Maggie: Well, if you're in charge, I'll take that as a compliment.

Piggy: Uh...

Maggie: If not, I guess I'm just gonna have to sit on you.

Piggy: Mom!


Buck: Rusty! Rico's saddle! I'm wearing Rico's saddle! I'm wearing Rico's saddle!

Rusty: Great, I'll leave you two alone.


Mrs. Calloway: Maggie, may I be frank?

Maggie: Only if you let me wear the hat.


Audrey: You wanna get nuts? Let's get nuts!


Maggie: You go, cow girl.


Buck: Say, girls... got milk?


Grace: Maggie is some fun, isn't she?

Mrs. Calloway: [scoffing] Teaching pigs to throw food. As if they weren't sloppy enough.



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