The Brave Little Toaster Quotes (1987)

The Brave Little Toaster Quotes (1987)

The Radio: I think Houdini did this once, and if I remember right, he was out of the hospital in no time.

Lampy: Well, that's encouraging.

The Radio: Boy, are we glad to see you!

Lampy: Yeah. I really thought I'd turned in my warranty that time.

The Radio: Until baggy here showed up!

Kirby: I just slipped and fell in. That's all.

Lampy: [laughing] Oh, yeah, sure, right.

Blanky: You can't fool us. We love you.

The Radio: That's right, like Mrs. Roosevelt loved her husband.

Kirby: Yeah, yeah. Well, here's the shore. Everybody off.

The Radio: Listen to this! This is President Roosevelt awarding the vaccum the medal of honor!

[Radio places a leaf on Kirby's face, but Kirby blows it off, and everyone laughs]

Air Conditioner: The whole bunch of you gotta have a combined wattage of maybe five, maybe less. It's been years. It's scrap metal time.

The Radio: Things could be worse, you know.

Lampy: How?

The Radio: How what?

Lampy: How could they be worse?

The Radio: They couldn't; I lied.

Blanky: He's not home.

Toaster: We'll have to wait.

The Radio: No. Let's wait inside!

Lampy: But it's locked.

The Radio: Luckily, my war training included inter-appliance codes. I will simply render the secret appliance knock, and we'll be welcomed by the native machinery. Stand aside, my meager companion!

[Radio knocks Lampy off the bed]

Lampy: Holy Mother of Edison! What were you thinking? You could have broken my bulb!

Lampy: Hey, come over here. I'm gonna...

The Radio: Why, do you dare to cross foils with the greatest Saxon swordsman in the land? Haven't you the slightest idea who you're dealing with?

Lampy: Precisely - a total idiot!

The Radio: If you sabre wags as loosely as your Norman tongue, you'll be run through in an instant. Defend yourself, Sir Lampy of Locksley!

[the Radio continually whacks Lampy with his antenna, Blanky falls on them]

The Radio: A blow for Richard! A blow for Marion! A blow for Mario, the garbage man! And for Carl and all the boys at the delicatessen! And here's one for the guys on 5th street!

Air Conditioner: You guys really have an attachment for that kid, don't you?

Blanky: Yes. He was our master.

Air Conditioner: Well, that's real nice, and any day now, he might come romping back, huh? He'll just come whistling through that door, and everything will be the same. Real peachy-keen-like.

Blanky: Uh-huh.

Lampy: It's a possibility.

Toaster: Well, at least we try to be optimistic.

Air Conditioner: [shouts] Optimistic? Somebody try to untie the knot in this guy's cord!

Kirby: Why don't you just shut off?

Air Conditioner: Oh, I'm really scared there, Kirby. What are you going to do, suck me to death?

The Radio: I've always loved travel anyway: the open road, the smell of the wind in my face, the flies clogging up my grill.

Blanky: Do we have to stop here?

Toaster: Only for a while.

The Radio: Just long enough to lose our minds! We'll be cannibals within a few days, I've seen it happen!

Kirby: And you'll be the first to go, dial-face.

Lampy: So... uh... what's this thing with you and the Blanket?

Toaster: What thing?

Lampy: You know. All of a sudden, you're being so darned NICE to him all of a sudden.

Toaster: Oh, that. I was just thinking, and I got this feeling I should be nicer to him for a change, you know? And now I feel better.

Lampy: Wow, that's weird.

Toaster: What's weird about it?

Lampy: I don't know. I mean, you were never this nice to him before, and all of a sudden now you're nice to him all the time, and I don't know. I'm, uh, I'm just trying to understand, trying to figure out, what it all means.

Toaster: Well, it's kind of hard to describe. It's like being next to a new loaf of bread.

[Lampy looks puzzled]

Toaster: Hmmm. It's, um, let's see... it's like a warm, toasty feeling inside.

[Lampy scratches his head]

Toaster: It's like a glow...

Lampy: A glow!

Toaster: Yeah.

Lampy: I think I know what you're talking about! It's like the feeling I get when I think about the Master.

Kirby: The battery's gone dead!

The Radio: We're trapped here like rats! Small little rats with no hair and one leg!

The Radio: [points at the sun] Look, Lampy, from here you can see the really BIG lamp.

Lampy: WOW! I wonder where his switch is?

[the Radio is navigating the journey]

The Radio: North by northwest. Watch out for low-flying aircraft.

[Toaster notices Kirby is reluctant to come]

Toaster: You know, we could use someone who's really... strong!

Lampy: And loud!

Blanky: And grumpy!

The Radio: And oblivious to reality!

Kirby: Oh, come off it! Be serious.

Toaster: I am serious!

Kirby: You're insane!

The Radio: Why, if we were all wiener dogs, our problems would be solved.

Toaster: What?

The Radio: Or maybe it was a basset hound.

Kirby: You're all insane!

The Radio: [thinking Kirby is a whale] Damn thee, accursed whale! By the depths of Hell I stabbeth thee!

Kirby: Climb on, you idiot!

The Radio: Oh, it's you.

Kirby: Where's Toaster?

Lampy: He sank!

Toaster: If a dog can do it, WE can do it!

Blanky: But a dog has legs.

Toaster: Ah, don't be a wet blanket.

Kirby: [uf the Master] He's not coming back anyway.

Lampy: He might. The fact is there's just not enough fact.

Air Conditioner: What is it with you guys, anyway? You act like you just came off the assembly line! Now get this through your chrome. We've been dumped! Abandoned!

Blanky: But he loved us.

The Radio: That's right.

Air Conditioner: So what? He's a kid. He has a family. They move away, he moves away. It's a packaged deal.

Toaster: But maybe they're...

Air Conditioner: He's not coming back! Pure and simple!

Kirby: Oh yeah? Did you talk to him recently or something? They could drive up any second!

Blanky: You really think so?

Kirby: I'm not talking to you!

Toaster: Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.

Air Conditioner: That's real touchin', Toaster. You're gonna get me bawling like a baby anytime now.

Toaster: I think you're jealous.

Air Conditioner: Sure, I'm jealous of a bunch of dimwits.

Lampy: Dim?

Toaster: Yeah, because the master never played with you.

Kirby: Because you're stuck in a wall!

Lampy: I remember the first time my bulb burned out. I thought, "That's it! I'm burnt out! Eighty-sixed! To the showers!" And then the master gave me a brand new bulb... and I just glowed.

Toaster: What are you laughing at?

Air Conditioner: Absolutely nothing, nothing at all.

Lampy: I think he was laughing at us.

Air Conditioner: You know something? You're a bright little lamp.

Lampy: Thanks... Hey!

Lampy: Legs would help, you know.

Kirby: Brains wouldn't hurt either.

Lampy: Lay off.

The Radio: Yeah, pipe down, carpet-breath.

Toaster: You know, guys? We are going to need some kind of shelter.

Kirby: Yeah. Shelter for the likes of them.

The Radio: Come over here and say that, chrome dome.

Kirby: What?

The Radio: Oh sorry about that. I meant to say, "Vacuous vacuum".

Black and White TV: Boy if he gonna be surprised when he gets back. He just left a little while ago to drive out to the cab...

[Plugsy switches the station; an announcer speaks Spanish]

Lampy: Hey!

The Radio: What's the idea?

Plugsy: Oh, many pardons. Was you watchin' that channel?

Chris: Really, now, why don't you just go out and find a new one?

Rob: Are you kidding? Where am I gonna find another toaster like this?

[Shows her badly damaged Toaster]

Chris: Like that? Probably nowhere.

Blanky: [off-screen from a distance] Help me! I'm stuck!

Toaster: I hear him.

Lampy: I don't see him anywhere.

The Radio: Maybe he's calling from Blanket Heaven. He's a white, fluffly little angel with a knob-nose.

Kirby: He's just stuck in a tree, that's all! Look!

Zeke: [Elmo St. Peters had fainted after the appliances scared him half to death and escaped] Did I catch ya at a bad time? Just wondering if you got my radio tubes.

The Radio: Why listen to this. I'm picking up something. I think its a news flash: President Roosevelt has declared today a national holiday in honor of those five amazing appliances we've all been hearing about. So lock up the office, take down the top and open that rumble seat. Last one to Coney Island is a party pooper. From the starlight roof high atop the Ritz, we wish our intrepid little friends the best of luck and a fond farewell.

Kirby: Ah, you're all a bunch of junk.

[They all laugh]

Chris: Hey, what about Rooney's down on 53rd? They've got like used vacuums and junk.

Black and White TV: This just in: Rooney's vacuums found to be uh... um... carcinogenic in recent lab tests. Big, big tumors on those rats. Bleagh! We've got photos to prove it,

[photos of showgirls]

Black and White TV: and I don't even wanna look at them. Uhh!

Lampy: Boy, he sure has grown!

The Radio: Look at him! What a heartbreaker!

Toaster: He graduated too!

Kirby: Of course. He knows how to work hard.

Blanky: He's all big now. I hope he still needs us.

Black and White TV: [good-naturedly] Still needs ya? That's the silliest thing I've ever heard!

Black and White TV: Why wander endlessly through this sprawling wasteland they dare to call a city when your dreams are all under one roof? Our roof! Corner of 3rd and East. Crazy Ernie's Amazing Emporium of... of... TOTAL BARGAIN MADNESS!

[Burts out laughing and collapses]

Rob: Have you ever heard of this place before? Looks pretty neat.

Air Conditioner: So... It's back to that stupid static again. You think I don't know what's going on in here? I know what goes on in this cottage. It's a conspiracy and every one of you low-watts is in on it. Just 'cause you move around, you think you're better than I am. I'm not an invalid. I was designed to stick in the wall! I like being stuck in the stupid wall! I can't help it if the kid was too short to reach my dials...

[Begins to spark and fizzle furiously]

Toaster: We didn't mean it. Really!

Air Conditioner: [bellows] IT'S MY FUNCTION!

[continues sparking and fizzing and glowing]

Toaster: No, wait. Wait!

Kirby: He's gonna blow!

Toaster: Quick, yank your plugs!

[the appliances all unplug themselves just as Air Conditioner blows up]

Blanky: Poor Air Conditioner.

Toaster: I didn't think he'd take it so hard.

Kirby: Ah, he was a jerk anyway.

The Radio: Why if it isn't ol' Rabbit Ears!

Black and White TV: Why if it isn't ol' loudmouth!

Blanky: Hey, TV!

Lampy: How ya doing?

Black and White TV: Oh, I've got a few more seasons left.

Toaster: The cabin hasn't been the same since they took you away.

Kirby: Yeah, it wasn't as noisy.

Black and White TV: [grinning] Well I see you haven't changed.

The Radio: Why, I don't believe I've ever seen quite so many smiles before.

Kirby: I've never seen contraptions with so many buttons and knobs and dials before.

Computer: Naturally, we are on the cutting edge of technology.

Lampy: Wow.

The Radio: Well, what does that mean?

Lampy: I don't know. What's that mean?

Entertainment Center: Plugsy.

Plugsy: Yeah?

Entertainment Center: Did you hear that? He's taking some old... STUFF to the dorm instead of us.

Blanky: There may be lions in there...

The Radio: And tigers and bears. Oh my.

Lampy: [sarcastically] He's such a baby! Ma-maa!

[first lines]

The Radio: Good morning, good morning, gooooood morning!

Kirby: What do you mean what are we going to do today? The same thing we've done for the last 2000 days! Chores!

Blanky: Chores?

Toaster: It'll be fun.

The Radio: Fun? I'm up for some fun. Listen to this, a broadcast from Wrigley Field. It's the bottom of the ninth...

[Lampy shuts Radio off]

Lampy: I don't see how doing chores is supposed to be fun.

Kirby: It's not supposed to be fun. It's work.

Blanky: I don't want to work without the master.

Toaster: Well, if you don't want to work, why don't we play a game?

The Radio: A game? What sort of a game?

Lampy: What are the rules?

Toaster: There's only one rule... no one stops until the house is clean.

Kirby, Blanky, The Radio, Lampy: Boo!

Lampy: Hey, everybody! Look! A clearing!

Kirby: Great. Let's spread out the blanket and have a picnic.

Blanky: But I'm full of stickers!

Kirby: Well, my bag's full of thistles and sticks and who knows what else! Who's idea was it to come this way, anyway?

The Radio: Why, it was the lamp's, I tell ya!

Lampy: Oh, yeah? Who's supposed to be the big shot navigator around here, Mr. Loudmouth? Mr. Big Loudmouth?

Kirby: Yeah!

Toaster: Where are we, anyway?

The Radio: Now, look here, fellas, just give me a second and I... Whoa, listen to this! It's the top of the ninth, the bases are loaded, and... PeeWee Reese is at the plate! There's the pitch, and he hits!

[he hits a rock which bounces off everyone else]

The Radio: Oh, and it's a triple play!

Lampy: Hey, I've got an idea! We can all get on top of the bed, and Kirby can push us!... No, no, no... Hey! What about the master's pogo stick?... No, no, no... Hey! Why don't we get the refrigerator on a skateboard, and Kirby can pull?... No, no, no... Hey!

The Radio: Shut up! Shut up!

Toaster, Kirby: SHUT UP!

The Radio: Let somebody else try for a change!

[makes everyone stand on top of Blanky]

The Radio: Arise, Hassan, arise, O magic carpet...

Blanky: Oww!

Toaster: What's wrong?

Blanky: He stepped on me!

Lampy: Did not!

Blanky: Did too!

Lampy: Did not!

Kirby: Did too!

Lampy: Did not!

Toaster: Hey, hey, hey, come on! How do you guys expect us to get there if you're fighting all the time?

Blanky: You mean we're not there yet?

Toaster: No, not yet. We've got a long way to go.

Kirby: Oh, boy! You're telling me!

Toaster: [They approach the waterfall and Kirby freaks out and tries to swallow his cord] Kirby, no!

Lampy: Get the cord out of his mouth, don't let him swallow it!

The Radio: Switch him off!

[Toaster jumps on Kirby and flips his switch]

Mother: Rob, are you sure you have enough underwear?

Rob: Mom, you packed enough underwear to stock the whole dorm.

Mother: Did you pack enough socks?

Rob: Look, Mom, I'm not going to Jupiter or anything, I'm going to college. It's just college.

Mother: Just give me something to worry about.

Rob: [talking over his mother] I'm your mother.

[Blanky has gone up to the attic to see if the master is coming; when he doesn't, Blanky starts crying]

Lampy: Well, was it him?

[Toaster glares at him]

Lampy: I was just wondering whether or not it was him. I hate being left in the dark, you know.

[Blanky climbs back down, crying]

Lampy: So we can assume that it wasn't him?

Toaster: Let's get back to work.

The Radio: Get ready, you devil dogs, because the master bebop blaster of all time is about to give you a soul injection!

The Radio: [sinking in the mud] Well, this concludes our broadcast day, or week... actually, this concludes all broadcasting of any sort. We'll try to leave you with a suitable tune

[plays Al Jolson singing "Mammy"]

Elmo St. Peters: Now where did that radio go? I could have sworn I left it right here in this very spot. What did it do, just get up and walk away?

Lampy: Are you sure this is the right way?

The Radio: I'm as sure as I am honest.

Lampy: In that case, we're definitely lost.

The Radio: [panicked to Toaster] You gotta help me, you gotta hide me! Bread, I can get you bread, mountains of hot cross buns...

Toaster: Radio, pull yourself together.

The Radio: Sorry for that little interruption, folks. We'll return to our regularly-scheduled program momentarily.

Kirby: [Blanky cries after Rob hasn't returned; of the photo] Cry, cry, weep, wail and snob! It's disgusting! Every time! I can't believe it! Every single. Give me that stupid thing!

Chorus: [singing] Since you came here uninvited/We all knew you'd be delighted./This is not the time or place to hedge./ No one here would be so bold to,/But since you asked and no one's told you,/Let us take you to the cutting edge!

Computer: [rapping] I can process words, accounting too./And my pixel screen displays for you./Computer graphics locked into your memory.

Phone: [rapping] With fiber optics cast in plastic/For natural sights and sound fantastic./Just reach out and talk to your dear old Uncle Emery!

Chorus: [singing] More, more, more!

Computer: Everything you wanted and more.

Chorus: [singing] More, more, more!

Sewing Machine: [singing] Let me tell you what it's for./Here's the printout with the score./Get yourself together on the edge.

Chorus: [singing] You want to go to old Rio De Janeiro, my dear?/You want to join in any Club Paradise?/You'd really rather stay at home, where the picture is clear./You get it on the stereo./And you don't even have to go./More, more, more!/ Everything you wanted and more!/More, more, more!

Plugsy: Any time or place you wish,/You might meet up with some dish./Pull yourself together on the edge!

Mixer: [rapping] If you want a lean machine/ To whip you up some mean cuisine,/I'm on ze scene, totally automatic.

Microwave: [rapping] Hey, I can bake your biscuits, too./ Pop some dough, boy, out for you./I'm micro-solid state and that's no static!

Chorus: [singing] More, more, more!/ Everything you wanted and more!/More, more, more!/ We're the bytes and chips to call./You just have yourself a ball./ It's all hyperactive on the edge!/From LEDs to CRTs,/ Woofers, tweeters, antenna trees,/ And ultra-nylon life of ease./Everything you dreamed of on the edge!

Computer, Plugsy: And more!

Mother: You can just take some of our things. Oh, this lamp will look so cute in your dorm room.

Chris: Go for it!

Rob: Well, what are you going to read by, then?

Mother: Oh, I'll buy some candles. I won't read. I'll go out.

Rob: Thanks, Mom, but I'm not taking any of your stuff. I'll just pick up some cheap stuff at some old appliance store like... whatever.

Black and White TV: That's right, folks! Appliances! Cheap appliances! Available now at Ernie's Disposal!

Rob: Where's a good bargain place around here?

Chris: You should have gone for the new stuff.

The Radio: [bumps into a car] Oh, were you in line here first? Of course! Pardon me.

Race Car: [singing] I once ran the Indy 500. I must confess, I'm impressed how I did and I wonder how close that I came. Now I get a sinking sensation; I was the top of the line, out of sight, out of mind, so much for fortune and fame.

Black and White TV: A bargain in every buck! A buck in every pocket! A pocket in... um... every trouser! Ernie's Bargain Circus, where you ride the Ferris Wheel of Values for a better tomorrow!

Surfer Car: [singing] Once drove a surfer to sunset./There were bikinis/and buns filled with weenies./Believe me, just couldn't forget./Pico, lets go up to Zuma./Pico, lets go up to Zuma./From Zuma to Yuma,/the rumor was I had a hand/in the lay of the land./Get up and go hit the highway.

The Radio, Lampy, Blanky, Toaster, Kirby: [singing] There goes the sun, here comes the night. Somebody turn on the light. Somebody tell me that fate has been kind.

Chorus: [singing] You can't go out! You are out of your mind!

Mish-Mash: Hey, look at me! I mean, really! Barf, barf, barf! I'm a can opener, a lamp and a shaver! Oh, god! I'm a mish-mash!

Lampy: You can't even hear your own thoughts around here with all the racket around here.

Lampy: Hey. Hey. What's that?

Blanky: A car!

Kirby: I don't want to hear another word about cars!

Toaster: You said it.

The Radio: It sounds pretty close.

Kirby: Just don't even start!

Lampy: Sounds real close!

Toaster: Well, I'm going with or without you.

Kirby: Well, I say we stay. We're gonna have a new master anyway once someone buys this cottage.

Blanky: But I don't want a new master! I want our master!

Toaster: Well? What about the rest of you?

The Radio: You boys are gonna need a leader! Why, alone, you wouldn't last more than five minutes out there! I was once a mountaineer, see? And together, we can stand against the forces of nature!

Lampy: Were you really a mountaineer?

The Radio: Sure. Ask anybody. Ask Teddy Roosevelt. Why, we shoot moose together on the Klondike.

Lampy: Wow. Well, you know, I was thinking, you guys are gonna need someone bright along too.

Toaster: Good idea.

Lampy: We are pioneers! Whoa!

Green car: [singing] I worked on a reservation. Who would believe they would love me and leave on a bus back to old Santa Fe? Once in an Indian nation, I took the kids on the skids where the Hopi was happy to lie there and say: "You're worthless."

[repeated line]

The Radio: Listen to this!

Kirby: [after he falls into a mud hole] I knew I shouldn't have let you guys drive.

[he starts sinking]

Kirby: Oh, this is great fun! Let's make these outings a regular thing, okay?

Scary Clown: [whispering] Run.

Kirby: Lay off! Just lay off!

Toaster: What's the matter?

Lampy: We were worried about you.

The Radio: You had us real scared there, pal.

Kirby: Well, there's nothing wrong with me, pal! Just back off!

Blanky: Don't be angry.

Kirby: Just keep your antenneas and knobs and wires and ribbons off my chrome! Who needs you guys, anyway? Gotta drag you around all the time, bunch of dead weight! I'd be better off without you!

Blanky: But Kirby...

Kirby: Especially you, you little rag!

[pauses for a while, then turns to the waterfall]

Kirby: So, uh... how do we get across this thing, anyway?

Lampy: Just shorted right out.

The Radio: Cracked up and snapped. He sold the farm. Poor chap.

Lampy: How does he look?

The Radio: A little better than you, actually.

Toaster: Hang on tight, Blanky!

Blanky: I am!

The Radio: Don't let the tremendous height scare you.

The Radio: This is my sleeping place, see? And nobody crosses this line!

Lampy: Yeah, well, you'd better not wake us up at 6:00, as usual!

Kirby: What are you complaining about? You didn't do any work today.

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