James and the Giant Peach Quotes (1996)

James and the Giant Peach Quotes (1996)

James: What are they?

Old Man: Crocodile tongues.

James: Tongues?

Old Man: Long, slimy crocodile tongues boiled in the skull of a dead witch for 40 days and 40 nights. And, the gizzard of a pig, the fingers of a young monkey, the beak of a parrot and three spoonfuls of sugar, and then, let the moon do the rest.

Miss Spider: Centipede I do not know whether to kill you or kiss you.

Earthworm: She won't be coming down here with the spray. She'll be coming down here with a shovel. It happened to m' brother. Split him right down the middle. Now I have two half-brothers.

James: Whenever I had a problem, my parents told me to look at it another way.

Earthworm: How? First, I was bird bait, and then I was shark bait.

James: That's true, but you could say that you gave us wings to fly, and that you defeated a giant shark single-handedly.

Earthworm: No-handedly.

James: You're a hero.

Earthworm: I am. I'm Wonderworm!

[James has discovered he has changed]

James: It's like he said: Marvelous things will happen.

Glowworm: Did he say, "Marvelous pigs in satin"?

Grasshopper: No, dear lady.

[He takes out a megaphone and speaks through it]

Grasshopper: Marvelous things will happen.

[to James]

Grasshopper: Poor Glowworm, she's a little deaf.

Earthworm: I, on the other hand, have exquisite hearing.

Centipede: Oh, yeah? Well, listen to this...

[He spits into his many hands and grabs the megaphone and yells into it]


Centipede: Why don't skeletons play music in church? Because they got no organs.

Grasshopper: This is an outrage! You are a disgrace to your Phylum, Order, Class, Genus and Spe...

Centipede: Say it in English!

Grasshopper: YOU, sir, are an A!

Centipede: I've sailed all the five seas. From the land of Bora Bora to the icy shores of Tripoli. Commodore Centipede, they used to call me.

Grasshopper: Seven.

Centipede: Huh?

Grasshopper: There are seven seas, and Tripoli is in the Sub-Tropics, Commodore!

Centipede: Trim the sails!

Ladybug: There are no sails.

Centipede: Start the engines!

Earthworm: There are no engines.

Centipede: I can't work with this miserable crew!

Spider: [eating the peach] Mmmmm. Better than ladybugs.

Ladybug: What?

Spider: Excuse me.

Earthworm: It's not dirt...

[takes a bite of the peach]

Earthworm: But it's not bad.

Earthworm: The sun's so hot! I'm roasted!

Earthworm: We gotta get out of here. We'll be turned into living statues.

Grasshopper: Dead living statues!

Earthworm: Remember what your parents said, James... Try looking at it another way!

Old Green Grasshopper: Oh this is all my fault.

Earthworm: Hey don't take all the credit, I helped too!

Earthworm: Great! We'll be stuck here until we starve and die.

The Grasshopper: Highly improbable.

Ladybug: Well, that's encouraging.

The Grasshopper: We are far more likely to drown.

The Grasshopper: No-one is going to squoosh you, old boy. You're six feet long now.

Earthworm: Bigger targets.

The Grasshopper: He's committed pesticide!

[on his experience of the world]

Centipede: I did live between two pages of The National Geographic. Very informative magazine, the National Geographic. Lots of nice pictures.

James: Excuse me, sir, can you tell me where the Empire State Building is?

Hard Hat Man: You're on top of it, kid.

James: I can't remember what fun is for.

Centipede: Time to go make a pest of myself!

[Spiker and Sponge are outside the peach, looking for James]

Aunt Spiker: Where are you? You little worm!

Earthworm: AAAHHHHHH!

James: Not you, ME!

[the bugs and James have landed in the ocean]

Spider: We are in, what you call, the Big Puddle.

Aunt Sponge: We sent you out here to kill a spider!

Aunt Spiker: Not to laze about.

James: I wasn't lazing about, I tripped.

Aunt Sponge: How dare you disagree with us!

Aunt Sponge: I look and smell, I do declare, as lovely as a rose. Just feast your eyes upon my face, observe my shapely nose. Behold my heavenly silky locks, and if I take off both my socks, you'll see my dainty toes.

Aunt Spiker: But don't forget, my dearest Sponge, how much your tummy shows!

Spider: We are in the middle of the, how do you say, the big puddle.

Centipede: Biggest puddle of 'em all, angel fangs - the Atlantic Ocean.

Old Green Grasshopper: Technically, the Pacific is the biggest.

Centipede: Well, that goes without saying.

Centipede: Biggest puddle of them all, Angel Fangs. The Atlantic Ocean.

The Grasshopper: Technically, the Pacific is larger.

Centipede: Well... that goes without saying.

Innocent Girl: Can I touch it?

Aunt Spiker: Touch it? You can't touch it.

Aunt Sponge: She'll be wanting to taste it next.

Aunt Spiker: [Tears up ticket] Admission denied. This child has too many cheeky ideas.

Glowworm: God bless the colonies!

Centipede: Let the biddies come! I'll take 'em both on! I'm undefeatable. I'm indivisible. I'm...

[James falls on him]

Centipede: ... in trouble!

[Gazing at the giant peach]

Aunt Sponge: It smells delicious!

Aunt Spiker: No! It smells like money.

Centipede: Holy shipwreck!

James' Mom: Try looking at it another way.

Grasshopper: [singing] For dinner on my birthday, shall I tell you what I chose? Hot noodles made from poodles on a slice of garden hose/And a rather smelly jelly made from armadillo's toes/The jelly is delicious, but you have to hold your nose!

Ladybug: I crave the tasty tentacles of octopi for tea/I like hot dogs, but I love hot frogs, and surely you'll agree/A plate of soil with engine oil is a super recipe. I hardy need to mention that it's practically free!

Centipede: I'm crazy about mosquitoes on a piece of buttered toast/And pickled spines of porcupines and a great big roast!/And dragon's flesh, quite old, not fresh, it costs a buck at most!

Glowworm: Does it come with gravy?

Centipede: It comes to you in barrels if you order it by post!

[in the darkness]

Earthworm: [Centipede pinches him] Ow! What was that?

Centipede: Sorry, I thought you were the spider.

Grasshopper: [Miss Spider hits him] Ouch. What was that?

Miss Spider: Excuse, I thought you were the Centipede.

Aunt Spiker: [Swatting a butterfly] Ew, wouldn't want one of those nesting in your knickers.

Centipede: Hey, Glowworm, how 'bout some light?

Glowworm: I can't hear you. I'll have to put my light on.

[the compass is lost during a storm]

Grasshopper: We'll be blown off course!

Centipede: We'll wind up in Jersey!

Miss Spider: No one will be eating you James.

Centipede: Naw, she'll just puncture your head and suck out the brains.

Miss Spider: That I am saving for you.

Miss Spider: Nice aim, Commodore.

Centipede: We're not lost.

Grasshopper: Then where are we?

Centipede: Somewhere up north. Or, possibly, very far south.

Grasshopper: What's your latitude? What's your longitude?

Centipede: Hey, hey, hey! That's personal, bud!

[the Beat Cop has been asked what the large fruit is]

Beat Cop: I don't know. Just get the biggest crane in New York!

[everyone is discussing how to get the peach to New York]

James: We could... No, it's stupid.

Grasshopper: Compared to what?

James: Well, I suppose we could fly out.

Centipede: He's right. It's stupid.

Centipede: [to metal shark] Teach you to mess with me, you overgrown sardine! I'm from Brooklyn!

[the centipede is being stretched out by the pirates; one approaches with an axe]

Centipede: It's Paul Bunyan. He's come to cut me some slack. Hey, aiming a little low, aren't you, buddy? He's going to cut me in half!

James: You're not even a real rhino! You're just a lot of smoke and noise! I'm not afraid of you!

James: We'll always be together, right?

Centipede: Kid, you're stuck with us, for life.

The Grasshopper, Centipede: [to each other, after their fighting knocks the last of the food overboard] NOW look what you've done!

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