The Aristocats Quotes (1970)


The Aristocats Quotes (1970)


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Chinese Cat: Shang-hai Hong Kong egg fu yung! Fortune cookie always wrong!


Marie: Me first! Me first!

Toulouse: Why should you be first?

Marie: Because I'm a lady. That's why.

Toulouse : Oh, you're not a lady.

Berlioz: You're nothing but a sister!


Napoleon: Where's my hat? Where? And somebody stole my bumbershoot!

Lafayette: Well, where's my beddy-bye basket?

Napoleon: And whoever it is, is gonna get it and get it good!

Lafayette: And this time, I get the tender part.

Napoleon: Hush your mouth! Now come on!


Uncle Waldo: Now, girls, don't go shooshing your old Uncle Waldo! Why, you'll wake up the whole neighborhood!

[shouts]

Uncle Waldo: Whoopee!


Uncle Waldo: Birds of a feather must hic together!


Thomas O'Malley: You know something? I like Uncle Waldo.

Duchess: [laughs] Especially when he's marinated.


[Edgar tries to grab his hat from off of Napoleon's head, but it lands on Lafayette]

Napoleon: [grabbing the hat] That's my hat! I'm the leader! [puts it back on his head]

Lafayette: Well, shoot fire! Don't get sore at me! I ain't done nothing!


Abigail Gabble: [instructing the cats on how to walk] Now, think goose.


Napoleon: [listening] You're not gonna believe this, but it's a one-wheeled haystack!


Abigail Gabble: Your husband is very charming and very handsome.

Thomas O'Malley: Well, you see, I'm not exactly her husband.

Amelia Gabble: Exactly? Either you are or you're not.

Thomas O'Malley: All right. I'm not.

Abigail Gabble, Amelia Gabble: Oh?

Amelia Gabble: He's scandalous.

Abigail Gabble: Indeed

Amelia Gabble: He's absolutely positively a reprobate.

Abigail Gabble: A roue.

Amelia Gabble: His eyes are too close together.

Abigail Gabble: Very shifty, too.

Amelia Gabble: And look at his crooked smile!

Abigail Gabble: His chin is very weak, too.

Amelia Gabble: Obviously a philanderer who triffles with unsuspecting women's hearts.

Marie: How romantic.


Chinese Cat: Oh boy, fellas! Let's rock the joint!

Russian Cat: Ha, ha! Groovy cats!


Scat Cat: Here you go, small fry. Blow it.

[Berlioz blows hard on a trumpet playing a very sour note]

Chinese Cat: Boy, he blew it!

[chuckles]

Italian Cat: But he was close.


[Berlioz compares an unsightly painting to Edgar and laughs]

Duchess: Now, Berlioz, that is not kind. You know Edgar is so fond of us, and takes very good care of us.

[Cut to Edgar emptying a bottle of sleeping pills into the cats' milk while singing to himself]


Toulouse: I told you it was Edgar.

Berlioz: Aw, shut up, Toulouse.


Edgar: [his last words] You're going to Timbuktu if it's the last thing I do.


Edgar: [sings as he puts sleeping pills in the cat's cream] Rock-a-bye kitties. Bye-bye you go. [looks at the instructions on the bottle, then casually throws in more pills] La la la la, and I'm in the dough! Oh, Edgar, you sly old fox!

[hums as he finishes the cream]


Duchess: "Schwinger"? What is a "schwinger"?


O'Malley: One magic carpet coming up.

Duchess: That's a magic carpet?

[O'Malley jumps on the hood of the milk truck and screeches]

Milkman: SACREBLEU!

O'Malley: [Screeches as the milkman stops his truck]

Milkman: SAPRISTI! Stupid cat! Brainless lunatic! [starts his truck]


Duchess: Why, Mr. O'Malley, you are amazing.

O'Malley: True. true.

Milkman: [After noticing the cats in his rearview mirror, much to his shock] SAPRISTI! [cats screech after the milkman stops too fast] SACREBLEU! [as the cats run out of the milkman's truck] THIEVES! ROBBERS! MANGY TRAMPS! TAKE THAT! AND THAT!


Lafeyette: D-D-D-D-Did y' see him?

Napoleon: No, no, he sneaked up behind me and tailgated me.

Lafeyette: Well he didn't hurt me; he hit me on the head!


Toulouse: But he called us tramps!


Toulouse: Chuga chuga chuga chuga. WOO! WOO! Chuga chuga chuga WOO woo! Clickety clickety clickety woo woo!


Thomas O'Malley: Hey! Mee-yow! What a classy neighborhood! Dig these fancy wig-wams!


Thomas O'Malley: Hey there, Scat Cat, blow some o' that sweet stuff my way!


Toulouse: Females never fight fair!


Toulouse: Rawwwwwwrrr! Fft-fft-fft!


[Edgar is listening in on Madame discussing her will]

Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: As you know, I have no living relatives, and I want my cats to be well taken care of. And who can do that better than my faithful servant, Edgar?

Georges Hautecourt: Edgar? Adelaide, you mean you're giving your vast fortune to Edgar?All your stocks and bonds, this-this mansion, your country chateau, your jewels and gems...?

Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: No, no, no, George. To my cats.

Georges Hautecourt: To your cats?

Edgar: [gasping] Cats?

Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Yes. I just wish for the cats to inherit first. Then at the end of their life span, the entire estate reverts to Edgar.

Edgar: Cats inherit first, and I come after the cats! After I... oh. It's not fair!

[Stands up, hits head on intercom]

Edgar: Ooh! I mean, each cat will live about twelve years, I can't wait... and each cat has nine lives! That's four times twelve, times nine... No, it's less than that. Anyway, that's more than I'll ever live. I'll be gone! No, oh, no. They'll be gone. I'll think of a way. After all, there are millions of reasons why I should. All of them dollars. Millions. Those cats have got to go!


Chinese Cat: Shanghai, Hong Kong, Egg foo young / Fortune cookie always wrong. Oh, that a hot one!


Napoleon: It's a motorcycle. Two cylinder. Chain drive. One squeaky wheel, on the front, it sounds like. Now you go for the tires, and I'll go right for the seat of the problem.

Lafayette: How come you always grab the tender part for yourself?

Napoleon: 'Cause I outrank you, that's why. Now, stop beatin' your gums and sound the attack.

[Lafayette barks]

Napoleon: No, that's mess call.

Lafayette: Made a mess of it, huh?

Napoleon: You can be replaced, you know.


Uncle Waldo: It's outrageous! Why, you won't believe what they tried to do to your poor Uncle Waldo. Look! Look at this!

[reading from menu of Le Petit Cafe]

Uncle Waldo: "Prime Country Goose A la Provencale, stuffed with chestnuts"...? "And basted in white wine." Hic!

Thomas O'Malley: Basted? He's been marinated in it.

Uncle Waldo: Dreadful! Being British, I would've preferred sherry.


[Berlioz has been scared by a frog]

Duchess: Oh, darling. That's only a little frog, my love.

Berlioz: But he had a mouth like a "hippolotamus."


Napoleon: Lafayette! Lafayette, listen.

Lafayette: Oh, shucks, Napoleon. That ain't nothin' more but a little ol' cricket bug.

Napoleon: It's squeaky shoes approachin'.

Lafayette: Oh, cricket bugs don't wear shoes.

Napoleon: Hush your mouth! Let's see. They're Oxford shoes, size nine and a half. Hole in the left sole, it sounds like.

Lafayette: What color are they?

Napoleon: Why, they're black... Ah, now how would I know that?


Duchess: Thomas, this is Amelia and Abigail Gabble.

Thomas O'Malley: Yeah, honey. Get those two web-footed lifeguards out of here.

Duchess: Now, now, Thomas.

Thomas O'Malley: Okay. Okay, baby.

[to the geese]

Thomas O'Malley: Hiya, chicks.

[Abigail and Amelia Gabble laugh]

Abigail Gabble: We're not chickens. We're geese.

Thomas O'Malley: [sarcastically] No. I thought you were swans.


Lafayette: Okay, let's charge!

Napoleon: Wait a minute. I'm the leader! I'm the one that says when we go.

[pause]

Napoleon: Here we go. Charge!


Edgar: Morning, Frou-Frou, my pretty steed.

[whispers]

Edgar: Can you keep a secret?

[out loud]

Edgar: Of course you can.

[chuckles]

Edgar: I've some news straight from the horse's mouth. If you'll pardon the expression, of course.


Thomas O'Malley: Humans don't really worry too much about their pets.


Thomas O'Malley: Humans don't really worry too much about their pets.


Marie: Ladies don't start fights, but they can finish them!


Duchess: Berlioz, come back here. Haven't you forgotten something, darling?

Berlioz: Thank you, Miss Frou-Frou, for letting me ride on your back.

Frou-Frou the Carriage-Horse: You're quite welcome, young man.

[Berlioz turns to his mama]

Berlioz : How was that, Mama?

Duchess: Very good, darling. That was very nice.


Berlioz: We were just practicing biting and clawing.

Duchess: Aristocats do not practice biting and clawing, and things like that. It's just horrible.

Toulouse: But someday, we might meet a tough alley cat.


Georges Hautecourt: Come on, Edgar. Last one upstairs is a nincompoop.

Edgar: Could we take the elevator this time, sir?

Georges Hautecourt: That birdcage? Poppycock! Elevators are for old people. Whoops!

[Hautecourt almost falls back, Edgar catches him]

Edgar: May I give you a hand, sir?

Georges Hautecourt: You wouldn't have an extra foot, would you, Edgar?


Abigail Gabble: Amelia, if I walk any further, I'll get flat feet.

Amelia Gabble: Abigail, we were born with flat feet.


[last lines]

Lafayette: Hey, Napoleon. That sounds like the end.

Napoleon: Wait a minute. I'm the leader, I say when it's the end.

[the title "The End" bumps into Napoleon's head]

Napoleon: It's the end.


Thomas O'Malley: First, to make the magic begin, you wiggle your nose, and you tickle your chin. Now close your eyes, and cross your heart, and presto! - breakfast, à  la carte.


Thomas O'Malley: Aloha, auf Wiedersehen, bon soir, sayonara, and all those good bye things, baby.


Amelia Gabble: I am Amelia Gabble. And this is my sister.

Abigail Gabble: Abigail Gabble.

Amelia Gabble: We're twin sisters.

Abigail Gabble: In fact, you could say we're related.


Thomas O'Malley: Why, your eyes are like sapphires sparkling so bright. They make the morning radiant and light.

Marie: How romantic.

Berlioz: Sissy stuff.

Duchess: Oh, c'est très jolie, monsieur. Very poetic. But it is not quite Shakespeare.

Thomas O'Malley: 'Course not. That's pure O'Malley, baby. Right off the cuff. Yeah. I got a million of 'em.


Duchess: Monsieur O'Malley, you could have lost your life.

Thomas O'Malley: So I have a few to spare. Nothing.


Marie: [Sitting on the piano] I'm ready, Maestro.

[Berlioz slides on the keys, and Marie's tail is pinched]

Marie: Ow! Mama, he did it again!

Berlioz: Tattletale.


Thomas O'Malley: That's quite a family. Come to think of it, O'Malley, you're not a cat, you're a rat. Right? Right.


Scat Cat: [singing] Everybody wants to be a cat / Because a cat's the only cat who knows where it's at.

Thomas O'Malley: Tell me! Everyone is picking up on that feline beat / 'Cause everything else is obsolete.

Scat Cat: Strictly high-buttoned shoes.


Scat Cat: What's a little swinger like you doing on our side of town?

Roquefort the Mouse: Please! I was sent for help, by a cat.

Scat Cat: Why that's outrageous! It's crazy!

[cats laugh]

Roquefort the Mouse: But honest! He said just to mention his name.

Russian Cat: So, start mentioning name, rodent.

Roquefort the Mouse: Now, don't rush me, fellas. His name is... O'Toole.

Scat Cat: I don't dig him. Strike one.

Roquefort the Mouse: O'Brian?

Scat Cat: Strike two.

Roquefort the Mouse: You believe me, don't you?

English Cat: Keep guessing, Mousey.

Roquefort the Mouse: What was it? O'... Grady?

Scat Cat: Mousey, you've just struck out. Any last words?

Roquefort the Mouse: Oh, why did I ever listen to that O'Malley cat?

Scat Cat: O'Malley? Hold it, guys! This little guy's on the level!


Georges Hautecourt: [Trips and almost falls] Whoops! Not as spry as I was when I was eighty.


Napoleon: Now the squeaking has stopped.

Lafayette: I still say it was a little ol' cricket bug.

Napoleon: Wait a minute. I'm the leader. I decide what it was.

[pause]

Napoleon: It was a little ol' cricket bug.



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